Be Careful What You Ask For…

I know I should be careful what I ask for, when you make a deal with the devil — all bets are off

It’s April, which means spring flowers, beautiful weather and baseball.  More importantly, Cubbies baseball…

Last year, sometime during the season, I may have made the comment “I’d sell my soul if it means the Cubs will win the World Series.”* As a true fan, I’m not naive enough to think that I am the only fan, living or dead, who ever uttered that phrase.  That said, I’m a realist, I know that bargaining with the devil, however risky that may be, did not cause my daughter’s pancreas to break, but sometimes it’s fun to pick one of one million insane theories and run with it.

There are a lot of things that I didn’t expect to happen in the off season. A lot of change, both good and bad. Honestly, I feel like I’ve changed significantly since Frankie’s diagnosis and that’s okay.  Changes happen all of the time, we evolve, it’s the beauty of all living species.  

I’ve become more guarded of my family and my inner circle.  I’ve also become more open to strangers who are going through the same struggles everyday.  My circle of friends has become a bit smaller.  It’s okay that some felt the need to take a step back, something like this can be overwhelming especially in the beginning when it was completely taking over our lives. If you pulled away, I understand.

However; the outpouring of support from the type 1 community has been huge.  There is an online  parents group I’m in, one of their sayings is “find your tribe and love them hard”.  This could not be any truer than every person I’ve met in the type 1 community. (I know there are bad eggs out there, I’ve just been lucky in my interactions)  There was the stranger who was willing to meet and share her stories over a cup of coffee just because she knew how hard this initial part would be.   The co-worker from the opposite shift who has become a fast friend, bonding over mimosas and our reality.  These are the strong females who are sending agonizing texts at odd hours when the glucose gods don’t want to cooperate or just to check in because it seems like you’ve had a rough week. These women who are fighting the same battle have helped me more than they’ll ever know.

The biggest change is that I’ve lost my me time in all of this.  It’s the change that has impacted me the most.  Now that things are a little more settled,  I’m going to focus on a little self-care. Getting back into the gym, eating better, and just taking time to breathe. Self-care is also going to include date nights with my husband and girl’s weekends again. Nurture my amazing relationships old and new.  Focus on the things that make me feel whole and positive, and make me remember that being a pancreas is just one facet of my shining personality.  

I’m going to take a line from one of my favorite baseball songs, because of tradition not for it’s excellent musical appeal, “Go Cubs Go!”.  This is going to be my new motto as we head into a new season.  “Baseball season’s underway  Well you better get ready for a brand new day”  The reality is, this disease isn’t the worst possible thing that could happen, it just felt that way during the initial phase.  My brand new day is going to be full of a brand new attitude.  A more optimistic me.

 

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*Those of you who know me in real life, know I’m just being facetious.  If I had any control over the outcome of sporting events, I would have bet everything pre-season and walked away with an assload of money.  

Author: triumphstantrumsandtypeone

30 something, RN and mother to a Type One daughter and wife of a swim coach. Snarky coffee addict. Not so basic B living in the suburbs of Denver.

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